I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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