he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
