Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I did not marry a roomba.
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