I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
