Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
