She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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