I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize