I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
