I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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