The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize