Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
