I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
