I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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