I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
