How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize