my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
where am i from again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
