your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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