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Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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