I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
