How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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