Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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