Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize