Umm I'm too high to move.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
