I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
