i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize