i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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