Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
