im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
