that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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