just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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