I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
