Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
