The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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