that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
