I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
