So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
