They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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