i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
