Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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