Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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