hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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