i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
