literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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