Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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