Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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