I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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