When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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