check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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