Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
