Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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