I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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