"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
