I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
