woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
