you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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