omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am one with the molecules
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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