Screwed.edu
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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