I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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