I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
