:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
