ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
