Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
