I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
